On June first of 2021, I published I’m on Top of the World. At the time, I had been speaking to Desiree for five days. Writing On Top of the World, I knew my life was changing. I was having dreams of the life I always wanted but that too often seemed almost impossible.
Writing in the early morning of June first, I was excited to see what Desiree would say about my post. I was wondering if my feeling the way I was feeling was irrational, given how little we had been talking by then. But I couldn’t stop myself from writing about the feelings I always wanted to feel and that knowing her was helping me finally feel.
It felt strange and exciting to be admitting that after five days I could actually see a future that I had been craving since I was five and that sometimes seemed miles away.
But sharing those feelings, feelings that some would say were illogical, felt so right. Somehow, I just knew Desiree was different. I knew our relationship was different. I knew we could find the magic I have always wanted to live even though I had never really seen anyone live it.
Trusting my judgment, I almost wrote in June that I believed I would marry Desiree. But I didn’t want to scare her. I didn’t want to make Mom and Aunt Barb wonder if I was losing my mind. I didn’t know how I could explain feelings I knew were real even though they seemed unreal. I didn’t think anyone could understand how, even though it had never happened before, I knew after five days that Desiree was my dream come true.
So, I went as far as I felt I could go back in June. After publishing that, I did my part to keep things going and waited for them to develop. While I never said it out loud, I knew where I wanted it to go. I believed in what it could become. I trusted that if I followed whatever the process looked like and was true to myself, I had finally found the partner with whom our dreams could become our reality.
On Valentine’s Day, yes I know that’s corny, I proposed to Desiree. While it would be cool if I could report about the suspense I was feeling and the way my nerves were shot that would be a lie. The truth is I knew what her answer to the question I have always wanted to ask would be before I asked. I had the ring we chose with Mom and Barb with me.
What my proposal lacked in drama and suspense, it made up for with its heart-felt sincerity and the kind of true love that seems so hard to find.
I don’t know exactly what the future holds. I don’t exactly know how are somewhat complicated lives will meld. But I know we are very close to the life both of us have always wanted to live.
Our journey to that life will not always be smooth. It will take longer than we want. Above all else, life has taught me one thing: if I want something bad enough, I can make it happen. Amazingly, I’m not the only one committed to making the incredible reality Desiree and I both feel every time we talk the life we both really want to live.
Now that this is out there, I can’t wait to share more excitement, developments, and good stories. we already have the next few steps of our adventure planned.
To those of you who have followed my disappointments and hopes through this blog, I want to thank you for your support. I can’t wait to share the kinds of things I have always wanted to live and feel as the years and decades roll by.