Over the last two days, Ufi has taken a noticeable turn for the worse. There is no longer reason for hope that he is cancer-free. My heart is crushed.
It was only Friday when the vest said he was doing amazingly well. But we learned from Emma how quickly things can change.
Yesterday, he didn’t go for the morning walk. He hardly played last evening.
Today, he, for the first time since he retired, didn’t follow me to the door as I left for work. He went for the morning walk, but he was moving slow. Mom said he was walking behind her. That’s so not Ufi. Tonight, he hesitated at the step onto the deck. He didn’t want to use his bad leg. I rolled his toy a couple of times, but he took long rests after each one.
The hardest thing of all is watching him realize he’s losing it. He wants so badly to be doing things. He really wants to chase his toy. His body is starting to fail him to the point where he is realizing what’s happening. Now, the sadness is his too. No longer, can accessible chase and accessible ring play help us hide his dying from him.
Tomorrow, we are going to raise the dose on his pain medications. Hopefully, that will bring him some comfort. But it’s now just a matter of time.
My stomach is once again in knots. I can’t believe I’m going to have to decide when to let Ufi go. I could never repay all he has done for me, and all he has meant to me. The best I can do now is love him for the time he has left and be strong enough to say goodbye when saying goodbye is what he needs from me.
This summer has been so terrible!