Ufi Update for October 27, 2019

As the title says, this post is about Ufi. In more ways than maybe is appropriate, it’s about me too.

According to Ufi’s prognosis, there was a very high chance he was supposed to be gone by now. Watching him take his walks, roll in the grass, look for food, and feeling his headbuts, I know I’m so lucky to still be enjoying him. Still, watching him slowly fade away is painful

Ufi was the most energetic, playful, full-of-life dog I have ever known. The other day, for the first time, his leg gave out on him and Ufi fell completely to the ground. It hasn’t happened since. But remembering him the way he was and watching him overcome what must be tremendous pain to do his best to live his life on his terms is at once encouraging and heartbreaking.

When he fel, Ufi got right up and went outside. It scared me more than him. But I’m capable of considering mortality. I’m aware of loosing my wonderful friend. I deal with no longer having my trusty companion, committed worker, and protector by my side. Ufi stays home with Mom. He plays when he can. He gets lots of love and food. I know he wants to come with me, but I’m the one leaving him.

In fighting death, Ufi is once again setting an example. He isn’t feeling sorry for himself. He is living to the best of his new ability. It seems like I’m having a harder adjustment than him.

Sometimes, it’s easier not knowing or thinking about all the information. But if I didn’t take it so to heart I wouldn’t be me. If I wasn’t my half of our relationship our relationship wouldn’t be what it has become.

Hopefully, it won’t rain today. If it dries out, I will see if he’s interested in accessible chase. It won’t be the games we once played. But playing will do us both good. Playing will do me more good than it will do Ufi. I feel much better when his wagging tail hits my legs, he drops his ring at my feet, and we walk around the yard together. It won’t be until later when I will remember those feelings and try and force myself to forget about the reality that they are dwindling. After all, they were supposed to be over already.

Long after Ufi is gone, I will remember his will for life, his acceptance of what is happening, and his ability to embrace what he still has. When that comes, I will more fully appreciate all this time is teaching me. Then, I will owe Ufi one more big hug.

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