Personal Updates for May 17,2021

I have a lot to say about my life this week.

This post has updates on my feeling more hopeful, my sore knees and exercise, and surprising thoughts on not getting the jobs I wanted.

Feeling more Hopeful

Maybe it’s the uplifting updates at work that I still can’t explain in public yet. Maybe it’s the nicer weather. Maybe it’s baseball season and the hockey playoffs. Most likely, it’s a combination of all of those and more. But whatever the reasons, I’m sure glad to be feeling better than I was for a bit.

I don’t think it’s negative to acknowledge that the good feelings won’t always be there the way they are now. Life isn’t designed for us to feel really good all the time. If we did feel really good all the time, we wouldn’t appreciate times of really good feelings like I’m enjoying now.

What’s extra nice about these feelings is that they aren’t based on any big life changes. The good things at work may not actually lead to anything, but they have provided hope. My job doesn’t satisfy me. I’m still single. Yet, I’m feeling more hopeful than I have in months.

Understanding I have no idea what’s around the bend, I’m riding this wave as long as I can. It’s nice to be looking forward the way I’m doing so now.

My sore Knees and Exercise

Today was the 340th consecutive day I met my exercise goals. My knees are starting to complain. I have taken pills for the pain several times over the last few weeks. Don’t worry, I’m not using anything strong. I simply forget what’s in the cabinet, I can’t read the label, and I haven’t bothered to ask anyone.

That being said, I don’t want to keep taking pills at this rate. I know my knees are telling me I’m asking too much. This afternoon, I really wanted to shoot baskets. I love doing that so much. If it rains this week, there may be days I can’t shoot baskets. Still, I made myself stay away from my basketball. I used the massage function on my bed a few times today. It feels like it helps.

I will have to pay better attention to how my knees feel. If I have to back off the averaging 700 calories burned during exercise goal, I will. I can’t quit on the meeting the goals on my watch until I finish a year. Ufi wouldn’t allow it.

Surprising Thoughts on the Jobs I didn’t get

I’m pissed I didn’t get any of the three jobs I applied for during the winter. I’m angry two of them didn’t interview me. But I’m starting to believe that may have been for the best. Had I gotten those jobs, the things currently giving me hope at work wouldn’t have happened. If one of them does happen, I will do way more for Portlanders with disabilities and the city as a whole than I could have done in any of those other jobs.

Maybe the good feelings I’m enjoying are helping me find the silver lining, but there’s nothing wrong with that. Sure, I want more responsibility than I have now. Most everyone wouldn’t mind a raise. But I care deeply about the difference I make. If I could strike a blow for Portlanders with disabilities, including me, before moving to another job that would be ideal. This job is not my destiny. It’s not the best I can do by a long shot. But it could help me do more for people than many other jobs. And there would be something satisfying in leaving with the knowledge that I battled through a lot of junk to accomplish something meaningful. Had I left a couple of months ago, I would have been happy leaving. But I would have known I was leaving unfinished business behind. If neither of these possibilities works I will once again hope to leave things unfinished. I can’t do this for a lot longer. But I would love to leave more on my terms and to leave things noticeably better than I found them.

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