My Spiritual Journey

I was raised in the Catholic church. As a child, I wasn’t allowed to attend CCD classes,(the Catholic version of Sunday school, with my sighted peers. That hurt and upset me. I went to public school with those kids. When it came time to learn about our faith, I was sent to my own room and given my own teacher. For me, church was a reminder of how out of place I often felt.

By the time I started junior high, I was very lonely. Not feeling like anyone knew or understood me, I started getting angry. Not wanting to be lonely and angry, I slipped into resentment.

Having been taught to ignore my feelings, especially sadness and other feelings of reported weakness, I retreated inside my head. Many of the stories in the Bible didn’t make sense. Praying, going to church, and trying hard in my segregated class hadn’t helped me feel love. Many of the adults I knew weren’t living the kind of life the Bible and our priests talked about. I was different. I didn’t need religion and its nonsensical stories. I sure didn’t need to live a hypocritical life.

For more than 25 years, I proudly proclaimed my status as an atheist. At my worst, I had contempt for the weak-minded and their need to give control over their lives to a mythical being.

About a year ago, a close friend of mine convinced me to watch The Secret. The law of attraction made sense to my logical mind. I didn’t buy the idea that anyone could be a millionaire if they thought about being a millionaire. Still, the idea that my thoughts could play a pivotal role in creating a better life made a lot of sense. If I didn’t believe in my ability to find love, how could I find love? If I wasn’t convinced in my ability to have a successful career, how could I have a successful career?

I still don’t believe in a higher power. I’m just as certain that spiritual teachings are playing an important role in helping me continue creating a better version of myself. By working to more often approach people and situations from a place of love–not from behind a wall of fear–I will attract more of the things I spent decades struggling to believe I’d find. By trying to find the good in people and situations I will attract more people who notice the good in me.

For decades, I knew I had lots to share. For decades, I didn’t believe in myself enough to share. You’re reading this because I am working to love and I have the confidence to believe I can attract.

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